Freedom Lurks

There are some things men never get like Love, fulfillment, riches, and the list goes until my deathbed.  These days the sun doesn’t feel quite as warm.  The wind is especially cold today.  The people across from me, a blur to me of what they must be saying.  I don’t even remember her name.  It must have been Jane, on account of the amount of Mary Jane I had seen.  I want so badly to connect in a flurry of electricity between our fingertips.  A crazy travelling girl, with who has no rhyme or reason for which she does anything.  Nothing becomes of it and others come and go. The lot of them bore me to red rivers up my arm, to nooses hanging on ceiling fans in suburbia, and to bottles of pills and empty liquor bottles.  I mostly sit surrounded by these four walls like a padded room that was locked on the inside.  All that I ever see anymore are the reason why nothing changes.  Why and more to what the hell I am doing.  I cannot justify any of it.  As I lie here wondering what it is I am thinking going back to school.  A wretched place that is.  Old and young easily non-respectable sell outs trying to convince me memorization equates to intelligence.  There is a reason I left with no intent of return.  I just had to get on that old road, didn’t I? That is where freedom lurks…right? The idealist still barely breathing on empty canisters of oxygen in the corner of my mind, who says that to me and I believe it.