Down the rabbit hole I go

I am so lost all the time and it is all I know.  Being lost is something that has been my life for so long, I do not know what I would do if I finally got published or had some sort of direction in my life.  I think if I made it in some way that I would just get lost again searching for something else.  I thought leaving the prison of university would set me free, but instead I was just transferred to the prison of my parent's home with no way out in sight.  Writing has become the biggest challenge for me with nothing new happening to me but my thoughts and ideas.  All I have are them, the idea of rebelling is something I hold on to like a last breath waiting to release it, in order to move on.  The idea of freedom is something I will never stop searching for but yet I am still wearing chains and an orange jump suit with numbers across my chest.   I do not even know why I write on here sometimes, it is a way for me to express myself, but with no one to say a word about it, it is like making a movie no one will see.  I wonder what is the point sometimes, even though it is therapeutic for me to write on here for whoever to see, I just do not know why I do anything anymore.